PHANTASM

Ghosts. Spirits who, in their former life, have failed in their pursuit. They are doomed to roam the earth searching for the peace they could never find.

We sat there in a distorted circle, our faces glowed by the dancing flames. It was well after midnight, but we continued on. Each of us listening intently, leaned forward, as we took turns revealing our dreams and how we had finally achieved them at that point in time. It was our graduation retreat.

"Thank you for bearing with me and carrying me with you. Thanks to all of you, I'm here tonight."

It went on for hours and we still did not get tired of hearing it. Each one's personal tales of friendship and victory; how they made each other strong and they had finally, against all odds, ended their journey in this moment of bliss.

Forty eight of us. Some proud to have finished exceptionally and some glad to have barely even passed.

There I sat, with candle in hand. Everyone shifted to hear me speak. I had been their president for four years and graduated with honors. And for some reason, they had decided to let me speak last because they figured that it would be some sort of climax after which the session would adjourn and we would all go off to end the night in revelry.

"I'm actually really glad to hear that you have all achieved your goals after four years. There is no other group more deserving of success, at least in my eyes. Congratulations."

I fought desperately to keep my voice from cracking.

"I look at you now and see nothing but pure joy in your eyes. As for me, I had one goal, to make my dad proud. I tried and failed miserably to reach that. I'm sorry for feeling so deeply envious of you guys."

The hall was in silence when I left.

In my room, the pen found my journal:

The Hopeless Struggle

The light you’ve shown has left me blind
Yet I keep chasing your shadow
And still I’m always left behind
The pain in me you’ll never know

Your legacy from yesteryears
I followed without any fears
But sacred dreams that I hold dear
Your heart’s desire was never near

All things I do, I offer you
I lay them down at your two feet
Your lifeless eyes didn’t have a clue
Why with my efforts they should meet

I ask the clouds and great blue sky
To share the reason why do I
Still fight to mold my future’s clay
To take the road of your past’s way

My heart has but a plain desire
Please cast these pains unto the fire
To see me lovingly, not sore
And hear you’re proud of me once more

I want you to see me clearly
Feel you kiss me again dearly
To understand ultimately
The secrets of your mystery

Through awareness that you’ve opened
I dangle my life on the line
And if your touch never softened
Eternal peace will not be mine

Hikahos

O, ako’y nasilaw mo
Pilit kong hinahabol
Habol ang anino mo
Pasang dusa’y masahol

Kahapon mong nilingap
Ay bulag kong niyakap
Ngunit aking pangarap
‘Di mo binigyang-sulyap

Tagumpay ko’y inalay
Sa paa mo’y nilagay
Mga mata mong patay
Mistulang sumasablay

Tanong sa alapaap
Bakit ko hinahanap
Aking kinabukasan
Sa iyong nakaraan

Mumunti lang ang nais
Ibsan mo ang hinagpis
Tingnan mo ng may hilig
Ang tuwa mo’y marinig

Nais kong masilayan
Muli mong mahalikan
Maunawaang tunay
Misteryo ng ‘yong kamay

Sa iyong binuksang malay
Ang diwa ko’y isinampay
Haplos mo man ay matamlay
Aasa kong walang humpay